No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
