So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
