Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
