i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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