Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
