Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
