dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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