why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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