My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
