got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
