His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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