I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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