wakey wakey hands off snakey
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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