dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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