I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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