Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Please don't give away my fajitas
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
