So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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