But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
