Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
