Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
