Kiss
Puke
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
