ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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