k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
