I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
