Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
