there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
