they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
