I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
