I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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