I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
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I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
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I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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