Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
