Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
