when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
