K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
