Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
