hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
