Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
