Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
