I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
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