I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
