If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
