I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
