I think scott just propositioned me for sex
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
