Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
