I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
