your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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