I'm so fucking centered right now
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
