I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
from now on my penis is your penis
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
