people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
