two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
