i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
