Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
