Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
