I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
