So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
