If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
