my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
