Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
