My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
