a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
