someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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