So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
