yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
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You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
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I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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