I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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