Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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