dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
