thus making me awesome and them whores
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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