i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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