I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
