oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
