I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
